


Friend's Never Say Goodbye

by LightsOut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Artist Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightsOut/pseuds/LightsOut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is the highly successful owner of the art gallery SHIELD. On the opening night of his newest exhibition he meets a man who he'd never expected to see again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friend's Never Say Goodbye

The slender champagne glass slipped from Steve’s fingers and tumbled down. As it smashed against the white-washed hardwood floors the sound was lost amongst the talkative crowd. He was distantly aware that his friends were asking him questions but Steve couldn’t acknowledge them. He remained frozen as a handsome man with a goatee approached him but his attention was elsewhere.

Steve’s words sounded hollow to his own ears, “Bucky?”

The man behind the fella in the goatee looked just as surprised as Steve was, “Stevie?”

Steve’s knees felt weak and he walked forwards slowly, “You’re… here.”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah, Steve, I’m here.”

Steve couldn’t hold back. He threw himself forward and kissed Bucky with all of the rage and passion he’d repressed for years. Then, he stepped back and punched Bucky in the face, “Five years, asshole. I’ve thought that you were dead for five fucking years.”

Bucky had barely moved when Steve had punched him and he was looking at him with shock. Steve huffed and stormed away. He retreated to his tiny office and wasn’t surprised when he was followed by Sam. Steve’s chest was heaving and he was shaking but that didn’t stop him from pacing angrily.

Sam was as calm as ever, “So, that was Bucky?”

Steve glared at him, “What gave you that idea?” His anger drained out of him in a rush and he collapsed into his chair with a broken sob, “He’s alive Sam. He’s alive.”

Sam perched on the edge of Steve’s desk, “You never told me that you were so close.”

Steve paled further, “Oh fuck. I kissed him! That fucking bastard.”

Sam had the nerve to chuckle, “Yeah, and it was a good kiss.”

Steve groaned, “Why did this have to happen tonight?” He realised something else, “Was… was that Tony Stark who was with Bucky?” The look on Sam’s face said everything. Steve dropped his head onto the desk and groaned into the polished wood, “My life is over.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so dramatic. If anything, I would say that Mr Stark was impressed by your enthusiasm.”

Steve didn’t even lift his head, “You’re not helping.”

Sam grinned, “Would you like me to go and get Natasha?”

Steve sat up and glared at him, “Don’t you have artists to keep sane?”

Sam’s smile grew, “What do you think this is? I’m sure that Natasha will be dealing with the press and your boyfriend.”

Steve closed his eyes tightly, “I need a drink.”

As if it was his cue, Tony Stark walked into the room, “When Pepper gave me the invitation for tonight I was convinced that I would be incredibly bored. Thank you for changing my mind Mr Rogers.”

Steve stood up and shook hands with the elusive billionaire, “Mr Stark, it’s a pleasure to meet you at last. This is my colleague Mr Sam Wilson.” Sam and Tony shook hands. Steve continued, “I apologise for what happened in the gallery.”

Tony chuckled, “Don’t apologise. It was more interesting than the art to be honest. I keep telling Barnes that he needs to hook up and unwind.”

Steve hated himself for asking, “Are you well acquainted with Buck… I mean, Mr Barnes?”

Tony smirked, “He’s been my bodyguard for three years. Pepper insisted.”

Steve was back to feeling furious again but he fought back his raging emotions and changed the subject, “So, Mr Stark, what do you think of our new artist?”

Steve was pleased that Tony was genuinely interested in the artist Thor. It had taken Steve months to convince the eccentric Swede to show his work in his gallery and it was a wild mix of abstract oil painting and watercolours of Swedish landscapes. Thor had an unusual style but he was a genuine and earnest man and Steve liked that about him.

Sam eventually herded Tony back to the main gallery but Steve wasn’t given a reprieve as Natasha walked into his office. Natasha perched on the edge of the desk like Sam always did, “Your boy is still out there.”

Steve grimaced, “He’s not my boy.”

“Really? I’ve never seen you kiss anyone like that before.”

Steve straightened his skinny black tie, “That was a moment of madness.”

“He’s cute.”

Steve felt ridiculous for being jealous, “Then you should go and kiss him.”

Natasha smirked, “If he wasn’t so taken with you then I would. He looks like he would be fun and know what he’s doing. It would make a change.”

Steve straightened to his full height. It wasn’t very impressive since that he wasn’t as tall as she was and she was wearing heels, “I have a show to direct.”

Natasha stood between him and the door, “I’ve seen you cry over his photographs too many times not to know what you’re feeling right now.”

“Jeez, Nat, you don’t pull your punches. I don’t know, okay? I can keep it together for now. I need to go out there and sell my clients’ paintings so that I can go home and freak out.”

They walked out together and Natasha mingled while Steve talked to Thor. Thor was very pleased with the turn out and for a few moments Steve could put his conflicting emotions about Bucky out of his mind. The evening passed quickly much to Steve’s relief but his plan to lock up and go home alone to cry was hindered.

As usual Sam and Natasha stayed late to help Steve and drink the leftover champagne. Tony was also wandering around and talking to Thor about his home. Steve pretended he was busy to stop himself from gawking at Bucky but that didn’t stop him from watching his old friend out of the corner of his eye. Bucky looked good, although he was hiding his left hand in his pocket and he looked more weary than Steve remembered. Every time Steve saw Bucky move he was reminded that it had been five years.

They’d been friends since third grade and grown up as best friends. They’d been practically inseparable and Bucky had been there for Steve when his mother had died and Steve had gone with Bucky to his sister’s wedding. Then Bucky had joined the army and Steve had been left behind. Steve had tried to enlist but his various health problems had prevented him from signing up. Steve was devastated but he’d let Bucky go. Then, after two years of barely seeing each other, Bucky had been declared missing in action and Steve’s heart had truly broken.

Before Bucky had disappeared, Steve’s reputation as an artist had flourished thanks to endorsements from connections such as Pepper Potts and Natasha Romanov. After Steve had received the news about Bucky he’d wallowed and he’d not touched a paintbrush. It had taken him a year to pull himself together and Natasha had pushed him to open an art gallery. _SHIELD_ was the most popular art gallery in the city of New York and Steve had shed literal blood, sweat and tears to make it that way. He was proud of his achievements but he’d never guessed that it would be the place where he would see Bucky again.

Avoiding Bucky lasted until Steve had to say goodbye. He announced to the group, “It’s time to go home.”

Natasha and Sam leant against each other on their way out of the door. Tony and Thor followed and Bucky was behind them. Steve stayed a couple of steps behind them all. He waved to Sam and Natasha, making sure that they were both inside the car before he turned around and locked the doors to his gallery. Tony had offered to give Thor a lift to his hotel so they were standing by the limousine.

Tony grinned, “Would you like a lift, Rogers?”

Steve shook his head and smiled tiredly, “I haven’t got far to go, but thank you for the offer Mr Stark.”

Thor climbed into the car and Tony said pointedly, “You’re done for the night Barnes.”

Bucky glared at Tony but the expression changed when he looked at Steve, “I’ll walk you home.”

Steve tried to protest but Tony talked over him. They were gone quickly and then Steve was left with Bucky as they stood in awkward silence on the sidewalk. Steve sighed softly, “It’s this way.”

He started walking and Bucky fell into place beside him. Steve told him, “You don’t have to walk me home.”

Bucky answered just as quietly, “I don’t mind.”

They walked in silence. Steve wanted to say anything to break the quiet surrounding them but he struggled to come up with an opening that wasn’t accusing, sappy or completely inappropriate. After a while Steve was willing to endure an uncomfortable conversation about that fact that he’d kissed him so long as Bucky was talking.

Finally, Bucky spoke, “Why don’t you paint anymore?”

Steve physically flinched, “That’s… Geez, Buck, we haven’t seen each other for over five years and that’s the question you want to lead with?” Bucky nodded, completely serious. Steve couldn’t look at him as he answered, “I didn’t want to after you disappeared.”

Bucky answered in a small voice, “Oh.”

Steve huffed, “Yeah.” Steve’s throat closed up and to his embarrassment he was crying before he could stop himself. Bucky reached for him tentatively and although Steve didn’t move away he still curled up on himself when Bucky put one hand on his shoulder. Steve growled, “Jerk.” Steve ignored his own angry tears and asked, “Does Rebecca know?” Bucky’s guilty look was enough of an answer. They’d reached Steve apartment and Steve pulled away from Bucky. He stormed up the steps so that he could unlock the door, “Goodnight.”

Steve didn’t sleep well through what was left of the night. He was haunted by thoughts of Bucky and his hands itched to pick up a paintbrush for the first time in years. He sort of hated Bucky for that. Finding out that Bucky was alive made Steve feel like he could breathe again but it was followed by an aching, hollow pain. His thoughts ran in circles telling him that he wasn’t good enough, that Bucky had never cared, that he’d been a burden, that Bucky hadn’t needed him as much as Steve had needed Bucky. Steve knew that it was selfish and dark but he was exhausted and he couldn’t move past it for hours.

When the sun started to rise Steve watched it with lost eyes through the window and he really thought about Bucky. Obviously something had happened and it had changed him. The guy Steve had known never would’ve let Steve go on for five years without telling him anything. Steve wanted selfishly to hold onto his anger and pain but he’d never been that sort of person.

He thought of long, lazy summer mornings sat next to Bucky in his mother’s kitchen. She’d turn to them both and smile. She’d tell them that true friends were hard to find and she was always so happy to see them together. In those days Steve had felt like they couldn’t be kept apart by anything. A large part of Steve longed for that sort of naivety.

It was late in the afternoon before Steve crawled out of bed. He didn’t particularly want to leave but he needed to pick up some paperwork from his office so he forced himself to keep moving. When he walked out of the building he was surprised that Bucky was sat on the front steps. He was still wearing the same non-descript suit from early the night before and Steve knew without asking that Bucky had sat outside all night. Steve scowled and stormed down the steps.

“You’re an idiot. It’s freezing out here!”

Bucky looked at him, “You kissed me.”

He didn’t sound mad, just confused. Steve huffed, “Yes, I kissed you. Sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable but, for God’s sake Buck, you didn’t have to sit outside in the cold all night.”

Bucky stood up and Steve had never really resented how short he was until that moment, “You never kissed me before.”

Steve scowled, “I need to go to work.”

Steve walked away and Bucky followed him. He wouldn’t let it go, “Why did you kiss me?”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Let it go Buck.”

Bucky jogged ahead so that Steve had to stop or crash into him. Bucky steadied Steve before he pulled his hands away quickly. Steve frowned at Bucky’s gloved hand. It was strange that there was only one glove. Bucky shifted uncomfortably, “How long Steve?”

Steve cringed, “Don’t ask questions that you don’t want to know the answer to Bucky.”

Bucky nodded, “Okay. How long Steve?”

Steve frowned, “Too long. Okay?” Steve sighed, “Since I was fourteen.”

Bucky sucked in a sharp breath, “Steve.”

Steve pushed passed him and walked away quickly, “I know.”

Bucky caught up with him, “Steve, can you just stop for a minute.”

Steve’s cheeks were burning, “I think that I’ve embarrassed myself enough for now.”

Bucky huffed, “I kissed you back.”

Steve froze, “What?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “I kissed you back. You weren’t the only one who has thought about it before.” Bucky sighed, “I’m not… I’m not okay Steve. I haven’t been okay for a very long time but, I’m getting better. I have bad days. I have PTSD and some days I can’t even get out of bed. I’m not the same person that you remember.”

Steve sighed, “Damn you Bucky. I didn’t exactly think that you were completely fine. I’m not that much of an asshole.”

Bucky scowled and Steve matched the expression.

Steve started walking again, “Buck, I’m damn glad that you’re alive. I’m just pissed that no one told me.”

Bucky sighed, “Is there any chance you’ll get over that?”

Steve snorted, “I don’t fucking know. I guess that we’ll find out.”

The arrived at the gallery and before Steve went inside he said, “I have a phone. Don’t sit in front of my apartment like a stalker.”

He wouldn’t let Bucky into the building and Bucky was gone by the time Steve left. Steve briefly wondered where he’d gone but he cut off the thought. It wasn’t any of his business. Bucky was alive but he had a life without Steve. He had a job and his sister and nobody had ever picked up the phone to tell Steve that Bucky wasn’t lost in the desert. In that moment Steve had the strong impulse to tell the world to go and fuck itself.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: [ writinginmythaul ](http://writinginmythaul.tumblr.com/)


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